Friday, November 6, 2009
So I always had people just keep pounding me with questions and for some reason, there are always the same. I decided to do this self interview just to answer some of it.
1. Why are so God damn freaking sensitive bout' your weight?
Well, if you know me well enough, you'd know since I was young, I've been compared to stick people and that's kind of left me with a fear of being fat. Hence, I do everything I can to not gain weight. It's not anything but a mental state of mind that I have. I think it's something I need to deal with and people should stop pestering me about it. Be like Farmaz, Joey and Azeera, if I gain weight, they tell me I have. Simple. It keeps me mentally stable and stops me from becoming obese. I think my life would be good if I'm thin, so there.
2. Who is your best friend?
First person who comes to mind is of course my doughnut, Josh. He's been there for me even though he's miles away with his emails and calls. He transcends the title of a best friend. Couldn't imagine me without him. However, if we're talking about girl best friends, I have close friends but not best friends. Now that I think bout' it, I never did have a girl best friends. Friendship that are so called 'best' doesn't involve so much drama, tears, pain and fights. If a friendship makes you jump over cliffs and you falling, well.. then I'm sorry but it was never a friendship.
3. Are you really yourself with people?
Sometimes. Thing is I don't know who I am as a person really. I'm still figuring that out cause the person I am in school is sometimes not the same person at home and the person at home is not the same person during Baha'i activities. I'm hoping by next year, I just get this figured out. On the plus side though, I know all these sides of me are me, I just don't know which side is the main part. It's like now I'm having plenty of side dishes, I just need to figure which is the main dish.
4. Who do you hate?
Hate is really such a strong word. I do have people I'm annoyed by that I think should just learn to grow up and face the fact if everyone is not liking you, then it's not a problem with everyone else, it's a problem with you. I hate to say this but even though I forgive, I can never forget so anyone who has hurt me, it's there in my mind all the time. Therefore, I may have this opinion about them that may be associated with dislike but never hate.
5. Are you really happy?
Honestly? I am! I mean I am the happiest I've ever been so I don't know how to be more happy. I mean yeah sure, I have those days where everything sucks but those days are far and few in between. I love my life now. Would I change it? Nah. I'm in a good place.
6. Have you changed?
Yeah, for the better I think. I don't associate with people who bring negativity in my life. Hence, I'm always surrounded by positivity and I myself become positive. I'm much more real now and down to earth and I realize people are going to have their flaws. And it's okay if I have my flaws. I'm friendlier and not intimidating anymore. You know though, I don't trust people anymore. Maybe I will one day, but right now I feel comfortable not trusting cause I don't wanna let myself be vulnerable to hurt.
7. What do you think of yourself?
I think I'm alright. I'm not the best but I'm high on the list. I could be better and I will be. One day at a time. I don't really take much bad stuff talked bout' me anymore. And I don't confront people like I use to. So I think I'm an okay human being. Decent enough, don't cha think so?
8. Why are you boy crazy?
Um, thing is.. I'm not. People just think I am. I don't think bout' boys or girls every night and day. I just like staring at hot guys and getting a tiny bit of attention for them. I guess maybe I over exaggerate what goes on in my mind sometimes. I can live without boys la. C'mon. I just play the boy crazy card every time someone expects me to.
9. You being single?! HAH!
Because of getting the wrong assumption that I am so called boy crazy, people think me being single is a miracle. Well, I've been single for 11 months now and I'm still striving on. I can be without a guy. Yeesh.
10. Are you really the sensitive and caring person or are you faking it?
Actually I fake my non caring side and my egoistical side. Yeah, I might be high maintenance but I never ever not care. I may act like it but I do care. I show my soft side very rarely but.. the nice motherly side of me is much stronger than the authority and I'm too good for people side. I guess I just don't let people see it. I might be scared to get hurt so I put on this facade that I'm this strong girl that doesn't care about the world when actually I do.
11. Backbiting, a big no or depends?
Um, it's in a reality a big no for me and I seriously don't like it but I do sometimes backbite and I'm very ashamed by it. So when people do it, I just keep quiet. But I have a problem that if I'm angry, words just come flying out whether it's to the face or behind your back. I'm working on it. Sorry.
12. How do you choose your friends?
Haha, a lot of people ask me this. I usually go for the unique one of a kind friends. I choose my friends very precisely and made some crappy choices in the past but so far, I've been doing better. I also choose friends who need to lean on me so I feel like I'm beneficial to them. I tend to choose friends who'd also take my hand when I need em'.
13. What do you think appearance wise bout' yourself?
Honestly, I think I look like crap. Compared to a lot of people, I do. I think I'm fat and ugly. I have a lot of confidence in a lot of things but for some reason, appearance was never one of em'. I think I need to lose weight, get permanent hair removal, fix my hair and get a facial.
14. Why do you keep changing friends?
It's cause my friends keep screwing me over I guess. To me they do but maybe to them, it's a different story. Plus, when someone changes, the people around them change too. Friends are people who will come into your life with a lesson to bring and once that lesson is done, they leave. I've accepted that actually.
15. Have you really given up on love?
In a way, yeah I have. But a very big part of me hasn't. I made some shitty choices but I've learned from em'. I don't know if what I had with him was love but it was much more than any other relationship I had. I'm really young and I have a lot of time on my hands so love will come when it comes. I believe in love but will I be able to allow myself to love a person, well that's a whole different story. Like I said, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I always have my safety net who I already can't live without.
16. How is life now?
Life is stressful with exams and all. But well, it's just another thing we have to go through. You know that appearance question is really bugging me. I should do something about it. Confidence has never been a problem, I just wanna be perfect.
17. Are there people you wished weren't in your life?
Um, honestly no. I learned a lot from everyone. Even people from the past. Every single person in life has a reason of being there. I just need to be open minded and learn from them.
18. If there is one thing you could change bout' your personality, what would it be?
I would love to change the fact that I tend to allow myself to snap at the closest people to me and I freaking hate it actually. I'm just gonna have to change that slowly. One step at a time.
19. Are you okay being alone?
Hm, I mean I have my moments where I wish I had someone to cuddle up to but nah, I think I'm good alone. I wanna be the best version of me before I allow myself to get into a relationship. 2010 is the time of change. Good change.
20. So what now?
Now, I should go to sleep because I have to wake up in four hours for school. This was very freeing. I should do it more often. Just know that I love you all. Even if we're not close or anything. I couldn't be me without anyone that use to be in my life.
I hope this kinda put these questions to rest. If anymore come up, I'll post part two.
XOXO,
Jules
1. Why are so God damn freaking sensitive bout' your weight?
Well, if you know me well enough, you'd know since I was young, I've been compared to stick people and that's kind of left me with a fear of being fat. Hence, I do everything I can to not gain weight. It's not anything but a mental state of mind that I have. I think it's something I need to deal with and people should stop pestering me about it. Be like Farmaz, Joey and Azeera, if I gain weight, they tell me I have. Simple. It keeps me mentally stable and stops me from becoming obese. I think my life would be good if I'm thin, so there.
2. Who is your best friend?
First person who comes to mind is of course my doughnut, Josh. He's been there for me even though he's miles away with his emails and calls. He transcends the title of a best friend. Couldn't imagine me without him. However, if we're talking about girl best friends, I have close friends but not best friends. Now that I think bout' it, I never did have a girl best friends. Friendship that are so called 'best' doesn't involve so much drama, tears, pain and fights. If a friendship makes you jump over cliffs and you falling, well.. then I'm sorry but it was never a friendship.
3. Are you really yourself with people?
Sometimes. Thing is I don't know who I am as a person really. I'm still figuring that out cause the person I am in school is sometimes not the same person at home and the person at home is not the same person during Baha'i activities. I'm hoping by next year, I just get this figured out. On the plus side though, I know all these sides of me are me, I just don't know which side is the main part. It's like now I'm having plenty of side dishes, I just need to figure which is the main dish.
4. Who do you hate?
Hate is really such a strong word. I do have people I'm annoyed by that I think should just learn to grow up and face the fact if everyone is not liking you, then it's not a problem with everyone else, it's a problem with you. I hate to say this but even though I forgive, I can never forget so anyone who has hurt me, it's there in my mind all the time. Therefore, I may have this opinion about them that may be associated with dislike but never hate.
5. Are you really happy?
Honestly? I am! I mean I am the happiest I've ever been so I don't know how to be more happy. I mean yeah sure, I have those days where everything sucks but those days are far and few in between. I love my life now. Would I change it? Nah. I'm in a good place.
6. Have you changed?
Yeah, for the better I think. I don't associate with people who bring negativity in my life. Hence, I'm always surrounded by positivity and I myself become positive. I'm much more real now and down to earth and I realize people are going to have their flaws. And it's okay if I have my flaws. I'm friendlier and not intimidating anymore. You know though, I don't trust people anymore. Maybe I will one day, but right now I feel comfortable not trusting cause I don't wanna let myself be vulnerable to hurt.
7. What do you think of yourself?
I think I'm alright. I'm not the best but I'm high on the list. I could be better and I will be. One day at a time. I don't really take much bad stuff talked bout' me anymore. And I don't confront people like I use to. So I think I'm an okay human being. Decent enough, don't cha think so?
8. Why are you boy crazy?
Um, thing is.. I'm not. People just think I am. I don't think bout' boys or girls every night and day. I just like staring at hot guys and getting a tiny bit of attention for them. I guess maybe I over exaggerate what goes on in my mind sometimes. I can live without boys la. C'mon. I just play the boy crazy card every time someone expects me to.
9. You being single?! HAH!
Because of getting the wrong assumption that I am so called boy crazy, people think me being single is a miracle. Well, I've been single for 11 months now and I'm still striving on. I can be without a guy. Yeesh.
10. Are you really the sensitive and caring person or are you faking it?
Actually I fake my non caring side and my egoistical side. Yeah, I might be high maintenance but I never ever not care. I may act like it but I do care. I show my soft side very rarely but.. the nice motherly side of me is much stronger than the authority and I'm too good for people side. I guess I just don't let people see it. I might be scared to get hurt so I put on this facade that I'm this strong girl that doesn't care about the world when actually I do.
11. Backbiting, a big no or depends?
Um, it's in a reality a big no for me and I seriously don't like it but I do sometimes backbite and I'm very ashamed by it. So when people do it, I just keep quiet. But I have a problem that if I'm angry, words just come flying out whether it's to the face or behind your back. I'm working on it. Sorry.
12. How do you choose your friends?
Haha, a lot of people ask me this. I usually go for the unique one of a kind friends. I choose my friends very precisely and made some crappy choices in the past but so far, I've been doing better. I also choose friends who need to lean on me so I feel like I'm beneficial to them. I tend to choose friends who'd also take my hand when I need em'.
13. What do you think appearance wise bout' yourself?
Honestly, I think I look like crap. Compared to a lot of people, I do. I think I'm fat and ugly. I have a lot of confidence in a lot of things but for some reason, appearance was never one of em'. I think I need to lose weight, get permanent hair removal, fix my hair and get a facial.
14. Why do you keep changing friends?
It's cause my friends keep screwing me over I guess. To me they do but maybe to them, it's a different story. Plus, when someone changes, the people around them change too. Friends are people who will come into your life with a lesson to bring and once that lesson is done, they leave. I've accepted that actually.
15. Have you really given up on love?
In a way, yeah I have. But a very big part of me hasn't. I made some shitty choices but I've learned from em'. I don't know if what I had with him was love but it was much more than any other relationship I had. I'm really young and I have a lot of time on my hands so love will come when it comes. I believe in love but will I be able to allow myself to love a person, well that's a whole different story. Like I said, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I always have my safety net who I already can't live without.
16. How is life now?
Life is stressful with exams and all. But well, it's just another thing we have to go through. You know that appearance question is really bugging me. I should do something about it. Confidence has never been a problem, I just wanna be perfect.
17. Are there people you wished weren't in your life?
Um, honestly no. I learned a lot from everyone. Even people from the past. Every single person in life has a reason of being there. I just need to be open minded and learn from them.
18. If there is one thing you could change bout' your personality, what would it be?
I would love to change the fact that I tend to allow myself to snap at the closest people to me and I freaking hate it actually. I'm just gonna have to change that slowly. One step at a time.
19. Are you okay being alone?
Hm, I mean I have my moments where I wish I had someone to cuddle up to but nah, I think I'm good alone. I wanna be the best version of me before I allow myself to get into a relationship. 2010 is the time of change. Good change.
20. So what now?
Now, I should go to sleep because I have to wake up in four hours for school. This was very freeing. I should do it more often. Just know that I love you all. Even if we're not close or anything. I couldn't be me without anyone that use to be in my life.
I hope this kinda put these questions to rest. If anymore come up, I'll post part two.
XOXO,
Jules
12:50:00 AM
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity"
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity"
I love you guys
And I'll do anything to make everything in my life work
But I have things I need to focus on
Maybe in December, it'll be a different story
Right now, everything is going well
I can't wait for exams to come
It's like I've done all I can do and I just want to get it over with
However, for the first time in my life
I'm not looking forward to that final Chemistry paper
Once I'm done with that paper..
It means I leave my dear class
Ah, these people I tell you
They're family!
They made this year the best I've ever had in school
And imagining my day without seeing them..
Brings a tear to my eyes ya know?
Anyway, I'm sure I'll keep in touch with them.
I had a crappy day yesterday
Having to go on that dumb weighing scale after 5 years
Well, let's just say what I saw, broke me
I felt so terrible but Jo was there to help me
Ah, here comes the pain of feeling guilty of just eating
I wanna be thin!
Laughs, we all have dreams baby
But we ain't gonna achieve all of them
That's why we call em' dreams.
And the countdown says:
2 MORE WEEKS!
XOXO,
Jules
And I'll do anything to make everything in my life work
But I have things I need to focus on
Maybe in December, it'll be a different story
Right now, everything is going well
I can't wait for exams to come
It's like I've done all I can do and I just want to get it over with
However, for the first time in my life
I'm not looking forward to that final Chemistry paper
Once I'm done with that paper..
It means I leave my dear class
Ah, these people I tell you
They're family!
They made this year the best I've ever had in school
And imagining my day without seeing them..
Brings a tear to my eyes ya know?
Anyway, I'm sure I'll keep in touch with them.
I had a crappy day yesterday
Having to go on that dumb weighing scale after 5 years
Well, let's just say what I saw, broke me
I felt so terrible but Jo was there to help me
Ah, here comes the pain of feeling guilty of just eating
I wanna be thin!
Laughs, we all have dreams baby
But we ain't gonna achieve all of them
That's why we call em' dreams.
And the countdown says:
2 MORE WEEKS!
XOXO,
Jules
7:11:00 PM
Jules has a new favorite song! It's Korean. I love love love the song. The guys are so cute. The dance moves are easy and I have to so learn them at the end of SPM. Catchy song.
XOXO,
Jules
7:06:00 PM
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My current favorite song is Down by Jay Sean ft Lil Wayne. If Jay Sean was doing well before thing, he's doing excellent now. His song is finally being played like over and over again. The beats are nice, something that you can dance to. Which is what I look for in a song. The lyrics was alright, not the best ever but still good enough to get my approval. Before this, in my opinion, he was doing his own thing ya know, not really into what was playing main stream. Now, he is! For some reason, the techno and heavy beats thing is what's in and Down does have that edge. :)
[Intro:]
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down, Down,)
Even if the sky is falling down,
(Down down,)
You ouaght to know,
Tonight is the night to let it go,
Put on a show,
I wanna see how you lose control,
So leave it behind cause we have a night to get away,
So come on fly with me as we make our great escape,
[Chorus:]
So baby don't worry you were my only
You won't be lonely
Even if the sky is falling down
You'd be my only no need to worry
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down, Down)
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down, Down)
Even if the sky is falling down,
Just let it be,
Come on bring your body next to me,
I'll take you away,
Turn this place into our private getaway,
So leave it behind because we have a night to get away,
So come on fly with me as we make our great escape so why don't we run away.
[Chorus:]
So baby don't worry you were my only
You won't be lonely
Even if the sky is falling down
You'd be my only
No need to worry
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down, Down)
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down, Down)
Even if the sky is falling down
[Verse: Lil Wayne]
Like she suppose to be,
She is down all over me,
Down like her temperature cause to me she is zero degrees,
She cold over freeze I got that girl overseas,
Now shes my miss america, Now can I be her soldier please,
I'm fighting for this girl on the battlefield of love,
Don't it look like baby cupid sending arrows from above,
Don't you ever leave the side of me
And definetly, not probably, and honestly, I'm down like the economy.
[Chorus:]
Baby don't worry you were my only
You won't be lonely
Even if the sky is falling down
You'd be my only no need to worry
Baby are you down down down down down,
(Down Down Down Down)
Baby are you down down down down down,
(And the sky is falling down)
Even if the sky is falling down,
(And the sky is falling down.)
XOXO,
Jules
4:58:00 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life has been good so far. The anxiety of getting my finals over and done with is increasing day by day. I did okay in my trials and my confidence has seriously taken a boost which was exactly what I needed. But I have this worry that I will slack off and just throw away my finals. Dad has already told everyone my trial results, well then I just have to kick it up a notch since I have expectations to meet. 30 more days! Did I tell you guys that October is burning out my pockets? I have to pay for tuition and my headphones died on me. It's the second time! I guess I should stop sleeping with my headphones. They're making us pay for graduation too! Isn't the school suppose to pay for that? I mean, it's a private school la! Plus, I know for a fact it's less that a hundred ringgit. The school should at least fork out a little money for this. Some of us are totally annoyed. The school are being so biased and unreasonable. They pay much more attention to the International school which by the way should have never been in the National school to begin with. I mean, who builds a school in a school?! They even demolished our library! We, National students aren't allowed to go to 'THEIR AREA' but the International freaks are allowed to go wander in our territory. Seriously? Might as well they take the whole Hall! You know, the school should have never given us the International teachers at all if they were just gonna take them away from us. Well, as you can see, I'm not fond of the new installment in our school at all. Not one bit.
I spent my Raya very eventfully actually. The class and I traveled all the way to Bangi to attend Farhan's open house. *Laughs gleefully* I got duit raya! Thank you Farhan! I had a nice time with Zee and the rest of my class but it was nice to finally spend some time with my Malay friends. Get to know them better before I don't get the chance. They're so funny. The highlight of my Raya however, is definitely dinner at Zee's! Jo's mom, Zee's mom and my parents had dinner together. Oh my God, fantastic food compliments to Zee's mom. Our parents actually bonded and we can say that they'll be in touch quite a bit. It's so nice to not have complications in a friendship. Very simple, we do have our ups and downs but nothing we can't handle. We know whatever is said and done is for each others benefit. :) It's a very.. cute friendship. The girls and I sat in a corner laughing our heads off while the parents talked. We even had secret recipe cake! The night was fabulous. I can even stay over at Zee's place whenever I want! Which is a first by the way cause dad never lets me stay over at my friends homes.
Well, that was a Saturday. The next day wasn't that bad either. I studied a bit and then followed Jeevs to Darmain's condominium for a meeting about Vanguard. It was a very fascinating discussion and it looks like I'll be helping out in the acting department.
By the way, I'm so hyped up about Vanguard: Youth in the Forefront which is happening on the 14th to 21st of December 2009 at Balakong. It's a performing arts cum Ruhi event made for youths by youths. There'll be intensive Ruhi happening for those who want to attend but the highlight will be the performing arts workshops conducted by experienced and accomplished youths. There'll be dancing, music and acting. It's gonna be uber fun. Even book 7 graduates are invited! And especially non Baha'is. This whole event is a platform for something bigger. It will hopefully be the launching pad for a whole performing arts association. However, do keep in mind that intensive Ruhi is also important and will be held so we need the tutors! That means you Joyce! Laughs. Oh yeah, have to register soon yeah? And must pay a certain amount. More details soon. Wanna know more, email me: jules.gsr2000@gmail.com
Anyway, back to my Sunday. Jeevs, Rosh and I decided to go for a drink so the guys can discuss further bout' the details of the whole event. Well, instead of Jeevs car, I went with Rosh cause I haven't talked with the boy for like ages and he doesn't know the roads. So guess what?! We got lost! For one hour plus. It was hilarious. We're both blind so we can't see the signs and we kept taking the wrong roads and going in circles. I mean eventually Jeevs said just head back to the McDs near my place but still! We got on the highway but in the wrong direction! We actually were heading for Johor! Laughs. It was so amazingly fun and hilarious. I don't really mind getting lost again. :)
On another note, my weight has become a whole sensitive issue for me now. Every time I eat, I feel so God damn guilty that I feel like barfing. I think I gained weight when others think I didn't. To them, it's either I lost weight or I look the same. I can't tell if they're telling me the truth cause I know they're seriously worried and don't wanna hurt my feelings by telling me the truth. Maybe I'm hallucinating. Ish, my worst fear is no longer being alone (I have proven that I can be alone!), it's.. OBESITY! I haven't seen my counselor for like 4 months, I think it's time to pay her visit. Plus, I need to talk to her bout' college. I'm still stuck in a whirlwind bout' what I wanna do but right now, I think it's most probably A Levels. Well, as long as it's not Form 6, I'm happy.
Review Time!
I recently found time to sit down and watch a couple of movies. Let's start off with..
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Oh my God! Honestly? Suckish movie and I hated it. I watched it while doing some other stuff on my desktop. Why? Well, cause this movie is so off and non sensible. The acting wasn't like out of this world and even the story line was not right. I think this movie should have stayed in the bin. At first, I was like okay maybe this is one of those Ghost of Girlfriends Past
This movie was better than the last. It had an okay story line and good actors by the way. Nice casting. I like the haunting twist to it and the perv uncle? Epic! Laughs, I enjoyed the cute love story the most. And it was funny in some parts. Plus, you can actually learn something from the movie. That boys shouldn't be such asses and keep sleeping with women and just settle down already. However, this movie won't be much talk and will die off soon. I think it already has. It's just the same old romantic comedy. The movie I should be really watching is The Ugly Truth. It's currently downloading. Till then..
XOXO, Jules
XOXO, Jules
6:04:00 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARMAND SAYANG!
Well, our honey coated sugar plum baby boy is one years old! You guys should have seen that beautiful smile on his face, there's nothing more joyful. The whole family scrambled into the condominium to decorate and make it pretty for our lovely boy. We had custom made cake and even my mom's spaghetti. Nothing much else happened except him enjoying his gifts. Ah, amazing to be able to see God's miracles.
XOXO,Jules
2:47:00 AM
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I finally have the right mood to sit down and write in this blog of mine.
Honestly-la, I don't like sharing thoughts and whatev anymore. People are so judgmental, you just want to take them by the underwear and shake them till they're rid of that bad habit. Also, gossip is a no-no for me. Gossip or backbiting is so destructive. I'm not like totally over the whole "he said, she said" thing but I'm working on it. The blogs these days also have become a way to talk smack bout' other people. Ai-yo, I know la, you wanna get everything off your chest but please lah, apa ni.. so public. If you guys like wanna fight or something, just fight la in real life. Don't start some web war thing. So over rated.
Anyway, I've finally switched school vans. I may be a bit irritated with that thing in the van but nyeh, I'm only taking this van for October. The driver is nicer. I have to wake up 45 minutes earlier and I reach home bout 20 minutes later but who cares? There's freaking air conditioning and music. When I say music, I mean music that does not make you wanna tear your ears off. Plus, my long time friends and very good friend is there too. Life can be good when you make the right decisions.
That reminds me. Today, I actually had my past mistakes conjure up some guilt fest on me. I was talking to an old friend and God, I realized I have made so many wrong choices and done so many mistakes up till last year. I screwed up a lot and damn me since I had such a big ego even to admit it. Ish, I'm just happy and grateful I made the mistakes earlier on in life and it didn't like cause me to lose anything I'd.. 'regret'. Laughs, Zee and Jo are always telling me, "Joo, last year it was as if there was some black cloud on your head la. No one could talk to you." Did I really change that much? I guess so. I'm absolutely, positively sure I am much more happier and stress free. And life is so.. SIMPLE. I never had a simple life but loves, when you cut out the stuff that keep causing the unnecessary drama.. OH MY GOD, life is so much more stable. I just freaking hope I don't mess it up by causing my own drama. Smack me if I do.
I don't know why but the word "smack" reminds me of prom. Laughs, speaking of prom, I think I'm going to get another dress. Rent one actually. I always imagined myself to be in a much more over the top dress which is a show stopper. The current dress I have is so mellow. So blending in. I won't have any of it! Laughs, but I need to find a proper costume store. Yes, COSTUME store. Help~!
Anyway, my parents are having dinner with Zee's mom and Jo's mom for Raya. Holy crap. I hope their personalities blend well. We like some "One Malaysia" advertisement la. All different cultures and races and religion. Always what I pictured a friendship should be. We having like world apart personalities and sometimes very different opinions but any argument tends to be forgotten the next second. :)
Ish, one thing that has caused me a TON OF STRESS. So much stress that I feel so vulnerable to my old habit of... "something". I mean, I might not be able to go to college people! I can't afford it so I might need to apply for scholarship. But how the hell do I get one with the grades I have?! I'll tell you all my grades in awhile but.. yeah, so these options:
1) Go to college with dad's negative cash and get a loan (I don't wanna have a debt on my shoulder so young in my life)
2) Go to college and work part time (How am I suppose to balance both and make enough to pay the fee?)
3) Work now, study later. (Yeah right, I don't want to get my masters when I'm like 40)
4) Scholarship (With my grades? Tough!)
5) Go to local colleges. (I seriously don't mind but I don't wanna do form 6 at all)
6) Just go and pray that daddy works it out.
Dad's been looking at colleges out of KL. I don't want that. I don't want to leave home yet. I don't wanna go overseas. I wanna stay here. Plus, even if I go to any college, I don't even know what the hell I wanna do yet. Neonatal is something I would love to do but it takes forever to specialize in and cost a bomb. Pharmacy is good, people say it's good but don't even know if I'll be happy doing it. Man.. Even the job I secured in for the first 3 months of 2010 is so screwed up la. Okay, okay. Focus on SPM first, college and jobs later. Okay, okay.
So my trial results.. are not as bad as others and I reached my goal of passing everything but I'm so irritated with Chemistry, Biology and History.
Malay Language: 75 (A1)
English : 93 (A1)
English Literature: 82 (A1)
Mathematics: 84 (A1)
Moral Education: 75 (A1)
English for Science and Technology: 93 (A1)
History : 51 (C6)
Biology: 50 (C6)
Chemistry: 45 (D7)
God! And I'm not scoring in those I need for medical lines. But! I AM STUDYING! So, I'm just gonna follow the plan I made and pray that's enough.
XOXO,
Jules
Honestly-la, I don't like sharing thoughts and whatev anymore. People are so judgmental, you just want to take them by the underwear and shake them till they're rid of that bad habit. Also, gossip is a no-no for me. Gossip or backbiting is so destructive. I'm not like totally over the whole "he said, she said" thing but I'm working on it. The blogs these days also have become a way to talk smack bout' other people. Ai-yo, I know la, you wanna get everything off your chest but please lah, apa ni.. so public. If you guys like wanna fight or something, just fight la in real life. Don't start some web war thing. So over rated.
Anyway, I've finally switched school vans. I may be a bit irritated with that thing in the van but nyeh, I'm only taking this van for October. The driver is nicer. I have to wake up 45 minutes earlier and I reach home bout 20 minutes later but who cares? There's freaking air conditioning and music. When I say music, I mean music that does not make you wanna tear your ears off. Plus, my long time friends and very good friend is there too. Life can be good when you make the right decisions.
That reminds me. Today, I actually had my past mistakes conjure up some guilt fest on me. I was talking to an old friend and God, I realized I have made so many wrong choices and done so many mistakes up till last year. I screwed up a lot and damn me since I had such a big ego even to admit it. Ish, I'm just happy and grateful I made the mistakes earlier on in life and it didn't like cause me to lose anything I'd.. 'regret'. Laughs, Zee and Jo are always telling me, "Joo, last year it was as if there was some black cloud on your head la. No one could talk to you." Did I really change that much? I guess so. I'm absolutely, positively sure I am much more happier and stress free. And life is so.. SIMPLE. I never had a simple life but loves, when you cut out the stuff that keep causing the unnecessary drama.. OH MY GOD, life is so much more stable. I just freaking hope I don't mess it up by causing my own drama. Smack me if I do.
I don't know why but the word "smack" reminds me of prom. Laughs, speaking of prom, I think I'm going to get another dress. Rent one actually. I always imagined myself to be in a much more over the top dress which is a show stopper. The current dress I have is so mellow. So blending in. I won't have any of it! Laughs, but I need to find a proper costume store. Yes, COSTUME store. Help~!
Anyway, my parents are having dinner with Zee's mom and Jo's mom for Raya. Holy crap. I hope their personalities blend well. We like some "One Malaysia" advertisement la. All different cultures and races and religion. Always what I pictured a friendship should be. We having like world apart personalities and sometimes very different opinions but any argument tends to be forgotten the next second. :)
Ish, one thing that has caused me a TON OF STRESS. So much stress that I feel so vulnerable to my old habit of... "something". I mean, I might not be able to go to college people! I can't afford it so I might need to apply for scholarship. But how the hell do I get one with the grades I have?! I'll tell you all my grades in awhile but.. yeah, so these options:
1) Go to college with dad's negative cash and get a loan (I don't wanna have a debt on my shoulder so young in my life)
2) Go to college and work part time (How am I suppose to balance both and make enough to pay the fee?)
3) Work now, study later. (Yeah right, I don't want to get my masters when I'm like 40)
4) Scholarship (With my grades? Tough!)
5) Go to local colleges. (I seriously don't mind but I don't wanna do form 6 at all)
6) Just go and pray that daddy works it out.
Dad's been looking at colleges out of KL. I don't want that. I don't want to leave home yet. I don't wanna go overseas. I wanna stay here. Plus, even if I go to any college, I don't even know what the hell I wanna do yet. Neonatal is something I would love to do but it takes forever to specialize in and cost a bomb. Pharmacy is good, people say it's good but don't even know if I'll be happy doing it. Man.. Even the job I secured in for the first 3 months of 2010 is so screwed up la. Okay, okay. Focus on SPM first, college and jobs later. Okay, okay.
So my trial results.. are not as bad as others and I reached my goal of passing everything but I'm so irritated with Chemistry, Biology and History.
Malay Language: 75 (A1)
English : 93 (A1)
English Literature: 82 (A1)
Mathematics: 84 (A1)
Moral Education: 75 (A1)
English for Science and Technology: 93 (A1)
History : 51 (C6)
Biology: 50 (C6)
Chemistry: 45 (D7)
God! And I'm not scoring in those I need for medical lines. But! I AM STUDYING! So, I'm just gonna follow the plan I made and pray that's enough.
XOXO,
Jules
9:02:00 PM
