I'm everything you're not, I'm eccentrically weird and you'd be amazed by me. I speak the truth and I could care less of your words. I'm a 25 year old in a 17 year old's body. People say things but they lie! Despises backbiting. Family oriented. I'm a proud Baha'i. My perpetual religion is to serve mankind. Oh, honeys, if you can't accept me at my worse, you don't deserve me at my best. Once I love you, I love you long time. What more is there to say?

Tagboard

words are merely words

Links

escape from life

Siew Mun
Vicky
Shella
Calvin
Elizabeth
Khoo Jun
Jeevan
Jeevan No 2
Su Juin
Sukhvir
Daniel
Kristal
Sash
Joey
Sunil
Sofia
Mr Ali
Vafa
Ze Lyn
Erina
MJJ
Joyce
Nadia
Alex
Nicholas
My Class, 5 Hope
Maxuine
Amanda

Music

life and its play

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Credits

the ones who make my day

Basecodes:LostTears-
Designer: LostTears-

So, the exams and form 5 have officially ended. 13 years of being in a school that I hated most of the time till 2009. Many said I would miss it. Honestly.. I don't. I miss the people though. I seriously have to be grateful that I had a wonderful class this year who actually loved me for I am and cared. And a class teacher who I feel is like a second father to me. I finally had people who I called family away from home. I enjoyed coming to school and trust me.. I didn't before that. I won't miss the place but I'll definitely miss my family.

It's been an amazing journey really. I've grown so much especially in high school. I've gained friends who I'll love till the end and I lost friends who are only a memory now. I've changed from a.. pain in the behind to someone who actually allows herself to care for others. You would not like the Jules 3 or 4 years ago. Ah, I felt pain that literally drove me to the edge but I came back stronger. So many lessons that I'm appreciative of but hate to hell cause during those times, I wasn't allowed to be naive and cry. Laughs, I've learned to be such a better person but believe me when I say that after all this, I've built a barrier. One that has protected me and that I intend to keep.

WOAH! Time to lighten up the mood. Eh, I'm not emo or anything. Just being all sentimental. I'm happy trust me! However...

You know once exams are over and you've done what you set out to do, other things kick in. Other parts of your life that you ignored tend to start blurring your focus. Ah, one thing bad about not going to school, you start to think and over analyse and feel the loneliness kick in. For now, I'm good. I'm just worried bout' next year. What happens when I don't have Azeera to laugh with or Joey's sarcasm to keep me occupied or Daniel's driving stimulator or Farhan's bullying to keep me busy.. or.. It's scary to think that I have to step out into the new world. It's not the part that can I handle it that worries me, it's the part where can the world accept me for who I am or do I have to once again adapt and change to what others foresee me as.

Another part of life that is gonna intimidate me and is already is the love part of life. Someone told me I'm going to be amazingly successful in every aspect of life but relationships are going to be my downfall. If you guys saw me last year, you would know what that would be like. Damn, I miss loving someone but God, I do not wanna be back to that place. Nope, not for me. That vulnerable and emotional and hurt ridden place. My heart pounds so hard just thinking bout' it. I get so scared like a little girl and I just feel crying you know. That's how freaking terrified I am at the thought of falling for someone ever again. I don't wanna end up alone especially when I start a new chapter of my life but.. I can't. You know I have this friend and really likes me. I feel so guilty that I can't feel the same. I like him but not enough. I know loyalty ain't an issue and us being so different is something I learn to love but.. Laughs.. Always with the buts.

And you know what's worse? This about another guy. I may never be able to bring myself to accept the fact that the person is right in front of me is the one I have feelings for. I can't tell anymore if I just am comfortable with him or... Plus, we're amazingly great friends and he just doesn't see me that way. So why try for something that was bound to end anyway? Mess up a friendship for nothing right?

Right?

xoxo,
Jules

Comments

I don't spend money and this is the first time I'm spending so much. This is like all excluding how much my dad has to pay which is about RM 550 for my appointment and all. I'm not spoiled la. I'm paying for all the expenditures myself but daddy is paying for doctors appointment and etc. Thinking of getting a new piercing on my ear. Thing is right, I've been saving up for months so I can pay for this whole month. I don't shop and stuff like that. Lol, stop judging me! But as you can see, I'm ubber busy for this month. Ah well, this is a first for me but I'm like free from school after 13 years! It's my way of celebrating with my own cash. :) By the way, starting 2010, I'm gonna post more insightful stuff rather than just talk about my life. Anyway, gotta go study.

Hey my lovelies.


Seriously.. Honestly.. Really.. I just don't care feel anything. I'm not nervous anymore. I'm kind of like; "One more till it's all over!" However, this does not mean I don't study. I do. I've done like 7 chapters already but it's all the easy ones so it's just glance through. I have to give one whole day for just the calculation part of chemistry. Oh, screw. Laughs. So far, I think I'm doing well. I think I can get straight A's. I don't give a donkey's butt if it's A+, A or A-. As long as it's a freaking A. Let's see my list of subjects:


Eh, eh! Don't think I'm like showing off or being over confident to it. This is what I wanna get and I always post my estimated results up. So, bah!

I can't wait for my doughnut to come home! 8th morning. I get to hear him in less than a week. I miissshhheeeddd him! I get to spend time with him from the 10th to the 12th! :)

My brothers and daddy are so sweet. They got my prom dress from Ipoh that caused a bundle of cash. Things like this make me really realize that I have a great family that really loves me even though we bit each others head off sometimes. Before this, I kept judging my brothers but after trying to put myself in their shoes.. Well, everything isn't as it seems. I've been trying to keep that in mind and support them all the way. Jeevs has gone to Ipoh for his attachment to Pantai Ipoh Hospital for like two months. Ah..

I'll post up my whole list of spending and schedule for December. Be ready to be shocked!

Another that's bugging me.. We all know what it is. MY FREAKING WEIGHT! I'm being paranoid and claiming I gained weight. Have I? I thought I lost. If I put on even 1 cm of fat on my body, I won't be able to fit my prom dress. I feel bad when I eat la but I wanna eat and work out everyday I'm at home. Goddamnit!

xoxo,
Jules

Oh My God! They canceled Eastwick. For you who don't know what the hell that is, it's a US TV show based on witches. Here read this:

"Season one began airing on September 23, 2009 and introduces three women - Roxanne Torcoletti, Joanna Frankel, and Kat Gardener. They hardly know each other, but meet at a wishing fountain and make three different wishes that interlink and bring trouble to the town of Eastwick. A man named Darryl Van Horne has moved into the town and has an unusual interest in the women and soon befriends them and teaches them about their magical abilities. During the season, we are introduced to Bun Waverly and Eleanor Rougemont, who seem to have a past with Darryl, and a mysterious third woman in the photo of them appeared missing. Eleanor also reveals that she was the one who killed Darryl, formerly known as Sebastian Hart, but with Darryl walking around alive, Joanna and Penny investigate the mystery."

I so loved the show. I mean magic fascinates me and that is why I was a sucker for Charmed. Speaking about being a sucker, there's a new show based on vampires that I totally love as well. It's kind of like Twilight and is based on a novel as well except it was published first. It's called Vampire Diaries. Here, read this.

"Elena Gilbert has always been a star student; beautiful, poupular and involved with school and friends. As the fall semester begins, Elena becomes fascinated with mysterious new boy in school, Stefan Salvatore, and she has no way of knowing he is a centuries-old vampire. While Stefan struggles to live peacefully among humans, his brother Damon is the embodiment of violence and brutality. Now these two vampire brothers - one good, one evil - are at war for Elena's soul in the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia."

You guys should catch it some time. Download people!

Anyway, I've been studying like three chapters every day of Biology. So, I think I'll be fine. I have to cover another chapter for today. And I let go of my weight for awhile right? Well, I need hold on to it again. I don't like putting on weight. Damn you carbs and fats!

I checked my schedule for December and I have to say "HOLY SHIAT!". I'm so busy from day to day and I have to spend so much money. I have to spend a week with the girls too after I get back from Vanguard. By the way, people register please!


xoxo,
Jules

I look at these pictures and my heart just quenches with bittersweet pain. I miss everyone in these pictures.. I miss you too. XOXO, Jules